Discretion is the better part of valor.

So, it's been an enlightening week to say the least. 

Can't say anymore than that but well, yeah, lol

Some one is reading, but not that Someone, lol 

Nothing went on.  I swear on a stack of pancakes.

Have a buttery, delicious evening!

*SMOOCH*

Your kisses prompt my desires

right or wrong it is

lips, tongue and neck

desires restrained, embers ignited

from where now to where then

blossoms and sun and wind

These are some of the pictures taken while I was visiting Emma.  Enjoy!

It was my first long trip by myself in my life. I've always traveled with either my Mom, an older sibling or Ernie. So this was a big deal for me, lol. I made it through the security checks without a problem, and was able to check in on the return trip without help. Yay!

The flight was pretty uneventful, an hour and a half. They changed their beverage deal so soft drinks are free and mixed drinks are cash. I had a diet coke and considered myself in the midst of luxury. I lucked out and had a window seat both trips. On the way back I flew at night and it was really pretty. I took a couple of pictures and I'll post them here when I finish editing them.

When I got my rental car I was perplexed that it didn't seem to have a key or a outlet for the GPS. I dubbed it the pod car for the rest of the trip because the 'key' was this pod looking thing that plugged into a slot on the dash and I had to push a button to start the car. I nearly had a fit because I saw a no smoking sticker on the console and needed to have a lighter to plug the GPS into so it would work. After about 20 minutes I found it, lol.

Turns out that it wasn't going to be only an hour and a half like everyone kept saying, it was like 3 HOURS. I'm not convinced that there wasn't a better route to take, but since I had no idea at all where I was I had to follow where the dang GPS was taking me.

When I got to the point where the GPS told me the hotel would be it shut off the little red guide line and I had to phone Emma and have her guide me to the mall where she was, lol. I walked into JC Penney's without a clue as to where she was. I found out when I heard her voice saying reallly loudly, "OI!" lol I walked over to her gave her a great big hug and began to film, lol.

Emma told me that her buddy Focker was there and we would be having dinner together once he was done trying on jeans. I thought it was wierd that we were waiting for him outside the womens changing room, but maybe that there was just one area for the changing rooms. Then Emma came out after checking was Focker was doing and was holding a couple items of womens clothing and she said to me "Focker isn't like the other boys" I thought she was kidding, lol. She wasn't. He came walking out dressed as I've always seen him the two other times I've met him. I thought it was so sweet of Emma to go shopping with him so he won't get in trouble for wanting to wear women's clothing. I told her I was proud of her for being so loving and supportive of her friend.

So then after that we went for sushi and sashimi. Which was awesome! The woman that ran the restraunt asked me if I had ever been there before and I told her no, not to that restraunt. So then she told me she had a tree for me and brought out a cardboard box with a fake tree in it, lol. I mailed it back to here and it's in Grandpa's room.

At that point it was time for them to head back to the base so they could go to bed and get up at some unnatural hour of the morning. I had Focker drive us back and got directions out of the rabbit warren that is Ft. Bragg, lol. I found the hotel and when I got to my room it was so wonderful! It was the Holiday Inn Express and the room I got was so nice. 2 queensized beds, no smoking, it had a small refrigerator, sink and microwave. The bathroom had a great exhaust fan that kept the room from getting overwhelmingly humid after my shower. All to myself.

The next morning I had breakfast downstairs and headed out to explore some of the stores and pick up some toiletries. Emma got out of school at noon. I drove over to the base to pick her up and first got a map at the welcome center. They are so polite and nice, I love it. They gave me a map and highlighted my route on it and the one woman was leaving and let me follow her to the street I needed to turn onto to get to Emma. While we were turning out of the parking lot of the welcome center this crazy lady almost hit me. I mean, why bother stopping when you see someone pulling out. They drive crazy down there. I drove on and while I was at the light she pulled up next to me and began screaming at me how she was going to beat my ass and didn't I see she had her baby son in the car with her? I felt like I was in one of my son's video games, lol. I didn't hit her, I had to slam on my brakes, she kept flying by. whatever... Luckily that was the end of it.

So after I picked Emma up she wanted to go to buy Nigel a few things to send in his care package. So we went to Rite-Aid. I was surprised that they sell beer in Rite-Aids in N.C. I bought a six pack and we were on our way. Driving back to the hotel in order to drop off Emma's gear and put the beer in the fridge for later. While driving I needed to stop short a few times and make some quick turns because I didn't know where I was going and was following Emma's short term directions. Well, it must have shaken the beers pretty well because they began to fizz and leak through the caps, lol. The whole car smelled like beer! Glad I didnt get pulled over! We drove around a bit after dropping off our stuff and had dinner at a place called Jason's Deli. (I thought of Rici) After that we walked around the mall for a while. We got a few things in Spencer's and Hot Topic where Emma divulged to me that she now has pierced nipples, :zoiks: I didn't believe her and she said "Wanna see them?" I said I would take her word for it and she said she wanted to be able to have a piercing that she didn't have to take out when she was in uniform. God help me, lol. So then we went back to the hotel watched TV, IM'd each other across the room and went to sleep, lol. We needed to be rested so we could make it to the Ft. Bragg post office and then get our tattoos. We were online at the P.O. entertaining the other people waiting by singing various songs in various languages, lol. Emma was singing something in arabic, I started in spanish, she did one in german, etc... Emma was convinced that someone would be blogging about us being so annoying. lol

So after we were done at the post office we got to the tattoo place, like 15 minutes late, but they were fine with that and took the picture that Emma wanted drawn up and we both got that tattoo on the left bicep. We took pictures of each other. mine bled a lot more than Emmas. He actually had to wrap extra toweling around my arm cause it leaked out of the saran wrap onto the ledge I was leaning on. Our tattoo artist was good looking and a really smart punk rock kinda biker guy. Emma thought he was cute.

So after our tattoos we went for Thai food next door. It was soooo good! They really have excellent Oriental food in Fayetteville. YUM! Then Emma got a call from Focker and asked me if we could give him a ride somewhere. Sure why not? So we went to get him and then went to find the wigstore. First we went to a place called Spirit, which is a halloween store. Really cool stuff in there, but nothing in the way of wigs. So we found the store that Emma was trying to think of in the first place. It was a beauty supply store for African Americans and was pretty neat. I hung back trying to be discrete because I wasn't sure if Focker knew that I knew he was there to buy himself a wig. I mosied around the aisles and checked stuff out. Their prices were incredibly cheap. I could see that Emma and Focker were checking wigs out. Then Emma called me over to ask what I thought of the wig. I thought it was cute, but maybe he need one a bit more page boy like. He looked really cute in the wig. He picked a chin length one of dark brown hair. I think it was called Malibu girl or something like that. It was only 20 dollars! A really nice quality wig too! So he paid for it and we left. Then we continued our adventure by going shopping at the commissary with Focker in full drag. He looks really good as a girl. A bit odd though since he's like 6'4". He really took a risk with that as he really would have been in trouble if he saw someone that knew him.

Then we went back to the base, Focker changed back to his clothing and hid the stuff in his shopping bags. He and Emma took his stuff up to his room and Emma came back and at that point I got to meet her ex boyfriend that she calls half pint. I asked to meet him so she let me. lol Then we went to dinner at Outback steak house, OMG that was soooo good!

When we were back at the hotel, Nigel called Emma and I got to talk to him too. He's a really good guy. Can't wait to meet him, Emma said that he will probably be getting leave in Feb. I think she said that he gets two weeks.

It's good to be back home, but I already miss my Emma!

I have these times where I just want to vent my spleen, right, and unfortunately someone that knows me reads it and goes all ape shit because they think I might BE MAD AT THEM...

Like they're the only thing in my universe that has had any sort of effect or shaping mechanism on me. 

If I have to take care of their feelings and have to float my own shit, well, then I'm pretty much fucked. 

Somedays I just want to tell everything and anyone to go wipe their own theoretical ass and buck the fuck up. 

If you need MY approval or whatever, then you my friend are up shits creek without the proverbial fucking paddle.

Good luck with that then.

Don't get me wrong, if you need a place to stay or a listening ear I'm totally there for you.  But if you want me to let you know that I agree with you or support you, well then , you may just be lost at sea.

I love you, but I'm not going to support you being a total waste of sperm or humanity or whatever.  KWIM??

Poking my head in to read some entries that are highlighted in my 'feed'. 

Filling out applications for agency work.  I hope it works out for a bit of extra income.  That would be mighty nice.

Grandpa is still hanging in there.  He hasn't had any further episodes of scary stuff.  He did poke himself in the eye with his O2 canula and has a dandy little hematoma on the white of his right eye, OD in nurse lingo.

Went to visit my Mom a couple weeks ago, she's not doing so great.  Lots of issues.  Will have them the rest of her life.  Very disheartening, but none of us get out of this alive, right?

I have a picture of her about a year ago and of me and her this last visit... very drastic change even for an elderly woman.

We've also been having lots of activity in the lambing department.  Right now I'm trying to upload a video of the little premie lambs we had on Saturday.  Shorty and Hercules.  Ernie has been religiously bottle feeding Hercules as he hadn't been able to really nurse from the ewe because he was pretty weak to start.  He maybe nursing now, when I tried to give him a bottle yesterday he only took a couple of sucks and turned his head away.  little knuckle heads...lol

Ok, apparently there's a problem uploading the lamb video.  I have a link for youtube, so I'll try to embed it here...

Well, over the weekend Grandpa decided that he was not going to keep his oxygen on. I tried to put it on him and he became increasingly defiant about it. I gave up on that and decided to walk him to the toilet, he didn't want to do that and wanted instead to turn around and go back to bed. I was right at the toilet with him and just needed to get his pants off and sit him down. he decided instead to drop himself on the floor and hit his head on the floor. Chase and I were able to get him standing again. He was pretty whipped after his tantrum so he sat on the toilet without a problem. Then an hour or so after all that and having dinner George looked in his room as he was walking by and saw that GrandPa didn't look right. Ernie went in after George and said "Hey Susan, he's having another fit" I went in and sure enough he was not breathing and his face was grey and lips were blue. I started doing a sternal rub with my knuckles to rouse him and hold his head up straight and we put his oxygen back on. He did come around.

But honestly, when I saw him, I thought he was dead. He's been ok since then, but Ernie has decided not to hospitalize him anymore. Since we have the oxygen here and I know what to do for comfort care he said there's really no point. If he runs a fever we will get antibiotics and treat him that way. He's now a DNR/DNI.

I spoke to a friend of mine who's husband is an undertaker and told her that we would be setting up arrangements in the near future so it's done with. I also told our Pastor that we would want to talk about Grandpa's funeral with him as well.

In other news...

I got the first of my two mantoux tests today, I'll get another one in about 10 days and then complete my CPR course and I can go back to work for the agency.

I have so many feelings about this. Happy, scared and yes, annoyed that I have to work, lol. I'm such a lazy fuck. Why can't I be a princess? 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/02/09/2009-02-09_babies_ready_for_their_closeups_suleman_.html

This whole situation is so wrong on so many levels.  I think, and this is me and only me, that the kids need to be placed in homes where they will get adequate love and attention.  There is no way on God's green earth that these kids are going to get all their needs met even on a very basic level.